A bootlicker no-no!

One of the biggest no-no for a bootlicker is...

To come down with diarrhea which eventually forced you to take a medical leave on your boss' birthday!

If it means that you need to use diapers and bring spare underwears and practically temporarily set-up your work station besides the toilet, please do so. Boss' birthday is more important than your mother-in-law's birthday (for the bootlickers, I mean...)

Celebrating boss' birthday

Bootlickers will remember their bosses' birthdays more than they remember their loved ones'. In fact, they wish everyday is boss' birthday.

So bootlickers, when boss' birthday is around the corner (say, two weeks from today) pay special attention on what he/she likes, what is nice to him/her or what others/you have that he/she feels it's nice to have it too.

Sentences like, "Hey, this ring is nice!" or "Where did you buy this pen? It's so smooth writing with it" or "My perfume does not smell nice like before" or "Do you think I should put cushions in my new car". Those are his/her hints, bootlickers! It's time to get your boss' birthday present, bootlickers!

Start calculating a budget and seek collection from everyone (maybe you need to force some people to chip in) and go buy what he/she was hinting.

Tips: A hardcore bootlicker should contribute the most or buy the present on his/her own.

How..eh..non..bootlickers?

Imagine you have a long, big, shining knife laid across your table in front of you everytime your boss came to visit you! I think the second time he sees the knife, that will be his last visit! The big knife is actually just for cutting apples and pears for lunch! Don't be scare boss!

Imagine you see your boss caught in the rain while crossing building. You are driving you car, passing him, passing the building that your boss is going to. Just wave your hand! Sorry boss, my doors not working! Don't get mad!

Imagine the lift is full of bosses and not enough for another one person more. You are 1 minutes away from a major meeting. Pull one of the bosses out and say "urgent! You wait for the next trip!" The other lifts are out of order!

Imagine..imagine .. you are non bootlicker.....

Non-bootlicker speaks his mind

If you're resigning from a bootlicking company. And you're not a bootlicker. Here's a small tip.

On your last day in office, when someone (especially if that someone is someone who likes to be licked) ask you "are you looking forward for the new job?".

Instead of speaking your mind like I did. Or, instead of saying "very much!", you should say "mixed feelings".

Be good, be a bootlicker for at least one day in your life.

Boss' heartthrob?

Wednesday, 12.15pm
Feel like wanna puke!

An old friend came for a visit in the office when this newly-added bootlicker walked into the office and introduced herself to the old friend.

"Hi! I'm N, a new addition to this office. Previously I was in [her old department]."
Old friend replied, "So, you're Mr. R's staff, then?"
In a bootlicking gesture, the new bootlicker replied, "Actually, I was Mr. R's heartthrob!"


WHAT DA F*CK?!

Bootlickers Theme Song

Bootlicker and wired

To be a good and effective bootlicker, you need to be wired, fully wired, too. Best if you keep spare of handphone chargers of all models, Nokia, Motorola, O2, Samsung, SonyEricsson, BlackBerry in your drawer.

Who knows one day your boss would walk into your office and ask, "anyone here with Sagem handphone charger?" While others would think who on earth is still using Sagem phone, you'll be proud to shout out loud, "I do have it!"

If you don't have it, please be standby to buy the required charger from a shop nearby by saying, "I'll look for it, just for you, BOSS!"