Progress monitoring?!

As a boss to Program or Project Management Office, surely you need to have overall view or overview on the progress of programs or projects in your company. One of the famous ways to do this is to have a 'war room' where you have projects/programs update with 'traffic light' indicator to tell you which programs/projects are on track or behind schedule/target.

But sometimes, a company would not have the luxury to convert a room into a 'war room', due to space limitation, etc. If that is the case, as a boss to the Program or Project Management Office, you have to sacrifice your room to be a 'replica' to the 'war room' by pasting programs/projects update on the wall of your room, like the one in this picture. Great! Sacrifice, they call it. And expect your sacrifices to be handsomely rewarded.




Hold on!

You are a boss of Program or Project Management Office. And all you have on the wall of your office (replica of the war room) is a sheet of A3 and a sheet of A4 paper to monitore your staff's annual leave like in the picture below.




What kind of Program/Project Management boss are you?

An asshole!

Time clock

What kind of boss are you when...

Your staff stay back to finish their works when you're not around in office, and go home right on time (to the exact second) when you're around in office.
.
.
.
.
.
Don't think too hard...
.
.
You're just an asshole boss!

When the asshole boss calls

An asshole boss normally calls you on weekends, or when you're away on leave. What should you do? Should you simply don't answer those calls, or you answer them but hang up soon after you answer them. Why not? Not brave enough?! Even President-Elect Barack Obama got hung up by one of his congresswoman.

(from Yahoo! News) On Wednesday, the Republican congresswoman got a call from President-elect Barack Obama, didn't believe it was him, and hung up on him. Twice. According to Ros-Lehtinen's flack Alex Cruz, the congresswoman received the call on her cell phone from a Chicago-based number and an aide informed her that Obama wanted to speak to her.

When Obama introduced himself, Ros-Lehtinen cut him off and said, "I'm sorry but I think this is a joke from one of the South Florida radio stations known for these pranks." Then she hung up. Moments later, Obama tried again, this time through his soon-to-be chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel. "Ileana, I cannot believe you hung up on the President-Elect," Emanuel said. And then--yes, you know what's coming--she hung up on Emanuel saying she "didn't believe the call was legitimate."

A short time later, Ros-Lehtinen received an urgent call from Rep. Howard Berman (D-Calif.), the chairman of the Foreign Affairs Committee, who informed her that she indeed hung up on Obama. So, Obama tried again and this time he was successful. (Phew!) "It is very funny that you have twice hung up on me," Obama said.

Ros Lehtinen responded by telling Obama that radio stations in South Florida always make these sorts of jokes. Obama said similar pranksters reside in Chi-town. "You are either very gracious to reach out in such a bipartisan manner or had run out of folks to call if you are truly calling me and Saturday Night Live could use a good Obama impersonator like you," Ros-Lehtinen joked with the president-elect.


So, the next time your asshole boss calls you on weekend or while you're away on leave, just hang up. When you got back to office, tell him "I thought the calls were from that stupid 'Kena Kantoi' radio show." Even if your boss got angry, at least it put a smile on your spouse's face!

Human Capital? What a word!

Do you believe that word? Show me! What have you got to show? When the going has been tough for subodinates you got your friends up thers sitting what is righteously ours! That what human capital means from what I am experiencing. We stayed because we have towork till 55/56. You guys only got 3 years windows! What have you done to us? Fast track 3 years! PIP here PIP there! You go but we are here to stay. Another same breeds comes in, new faces of course, here we go again, fast track!! What have you done to the human capital you are pressing on? You never realise, you have never asked you only ordered all these time!

We were doing the same thing before this 3 years things came years ago. But we never ordered, the human capital volunteered! They want to make improvement themselves. They knew what need to done, but need a little guidance, facilitation and cordination to get the whole organization on a single track. We shared our experience nationwide not just a corporate level success. Things are much better then, we knew a Kelantanese, Kedahan, Sarawakian, Sabahan at working levels and we communicated nationwide accross the board. We used to have the platfofm to know our colleagues in other states and that has given us a true meaning of working in organization.

We gave those up, for growth and other interested parties. Can we not have the balance in life, in a working enviroment? We may not be a world class but a world class in our human capital. When the human are happy the results will speaks for itself! But you need a lot of patience, lots of them and 3 years....you better have patience. The foundations that was built many years ago have gone, lost! and the rebuilding is painful..we were almost there then, when the new waves came and spoilt it all...

Human capital, human resource or people whatever you name it, it is just a name! How you treat these people is more important than changing names. If you treat them right and just, there ill follow. Human capital is like that, they have feelings and some are already tired of these never ending songs of changes.

I guess you guys need some thoughts to understand the soft part of human capital!

Adios!

A true leader

A true leader requires no bootlicking antics. If all leaders are 'true' leaders...

(taken from forwarded email)
The Norwegian newspaper VG has reported a truly amazing story about a newly-wed trying to get to Norway to be with her husband, and the stranger who helped pay an unexpected luggage surcharge. The blog 'Leisha's Random Thoughts' has translated the story:

It was 1988, and Mary Andersen was in line at the Miami airport checking in for a long flight to Norway to be with her husband. When it was finally Mary's turn, she got the message that would crush her bubbling feeling of happiness. "You'll have to pay a 103 dollar surcharge if you want to bring both those suitcases to Norway ," the man behind the counter said.

Mary had no money. Her new husband had travelled ahead of her to Norway , and she had no one else to call. "I was completely desperate and tried to think which of my things I could manage without. But I had already made such a careful selection of my most prized possessions," says Mary.

As tears streamed down her face, she heard a 'gentle and friendly voice' behind her saying, "That's okay, I'll pay for her." Mary turned around to see a tall man whom she had never seen before. He had a gentle and kind voice that was still firm and decisive. "The first thing I thought was, Who is this man?"

Although this happened 20 years ago, Mary still remembers the authority that radiated from the man. He was nicely dressed, with brown leather shoes, a cotton shirt open at the throat and khaki pants, says Mary.

She was thrilled to be able to bring both her suitcases to Norway and assured the stranger that he would get his money back. The man wrote his name and address on a piece of paper that he gave to Mary. She thanked him repeatedly. When she finally walked off towards the security checkpoint, he waved goodbye to her.

Who was the man? Barack Obama.

Twenty years later, she is thrilled that the friendly stranger at the airport may be the next President and has voted for him already and donated 100 dollars to his campaign:

"He was my knight in shining armor," says Mary, smiling.

She paid the 103 dollars back to Obama the day after she arrived in Norway . At that time he had just finished his job as a poorly paid community worker in Chicago , and had started his law studies at prestigious Harvard university.

Mary even convinced her parents to vote for him: In the spring of 2006 Mary's parents had heard that Obama was considering a run for president, but that he had still not decided. They chose to write a letter in which they told him that he would receive their votes. At the same time, they thanked Obama for helping their daughter 18 years earlier.

And Obama replied. In a letter to Mary's parents dated May 4th 2006 and stamped "United States Senate, Washington DC ' Barack Obama writes:

"I want to thank you for the lovely things you wrote about me and for reminding me of what happened at Miami airport. I'm happy I could help back then, and I'm delighted to hear that your daughter is happy in Norway. Please send her my best wishes. Sincerely, Barack Obama , United States Senator".

The parents sent the letter on to Mary.

Mary says that when her friends and associates talk about the election, especially when race relations is the heated subject, she relates the story of the kind man who helped out a stranger-in-need over twenty years ago, years before he had even thought about running for high office.

Ok, now ask from your boss $100! lol

Athletics, yet an asshole

You’ve been hearing your asshole BOSS is athletic. Who cares? He is an asshole. Anyway and finally, if what you’ve been hearing is true, everyone in the company may find your asshole BOSS useful to the company especially during inter-department or inter-subsidiary companies sports carnival.

One day you had a conversation with your asshole BOSS…
You: So, what games do you play?
Asshole BOSS: Owh… I play all games.
You: Are you sure?!
Asshole BOSS: Ya ya!! I even do track and field.
You: Whoaa… track and field, too?! What event in track and field?
Asshole BOSS: All. Especially pecut (dash events)
You: 100m or 200m?
Asshole BOSS: Both I can.
You: So, you can take corners very well in 200m?
Asshole BOSS: That’s my favorite part. Oh yeah.. I also swim very well.
You: Really? What style?
Asshole BOSS: All laaa… especially the butterfly. That’s my favorite.
You: Butterfly?! That’s the most difficult.
Asshole BOSS: Of course, I’ve been swimming since I was a kid.

So, when the inter-subsidiary companies sport carnival came, your asshole BOSS was selected to play badminton. One reason for the selection was based on his claim, “I was the second team for Malaysia. I used to spar against Rashid Sidek.”

And when the tournament day arrived, not just your asshole BOSS didn’t get to play the men single matchup (as there are other better single players around), your asshole BOSS lost all four men’s doubles matchups and he claimed of muscle pull and crammed on his legs for his losses.

And at the end of the competition, one of your friends said, “If he was Rashid Sidek's sparring partner, his opponents must be Lin Dan’s sparring partner then!” There and there you feel like kicking your asshole BOSS into a swimming pool and see him doing the butterfly.

Oh well, your asshole BOSS is an asshole, anyway. Whatever comes from his mouth will go directly to the toilet bowl.

Get him out?

You've been having problems (to sync) with your asshole BOSS. You requested for transfer, but was turned down by your asshole BOSS, although other BOSSES would love to take you in. All you could do is to find jobs elsewhere and resign from the current one.

You're making a good progress in getting a job somewhere else. But, suddenly you've been hearing there's a plot by the top ranked BOSSES to get your asshole BOSS out of the company. And they're seriously thinking about it. Even, statements like "why is he (your asshole BOSS) is also having trouble with his peers?" and "he's not articulate" keep cropping up.

So, what should you do?

Wait and hold on to the job til the top management get rid of your asshole BOSS, hoping you'll get a better replacement. Or keep looking for jobs?

I'll keep looking for jobs elsewhere. Who can assure the replacement would not be assholed as the current one? But, one thing you can be assured of... even others know your asshole BOSS is an asshole BOSS.

Laws of Power (Law #3 and #4)

There is one meeting that require your boss to attend. However, he couldn't attend the meeting because he is busy (like others are not?! fuck!). With limited resources, he has no other choice than to send you as representative to the meeting. But, he knows he couldn't trust that you will brief him what the meeting is all about. So, he called the organizer.

Your stupid Boss: About the meeting tomorrow... you know laa I'm very busy so it's a bit tight for me to attend.
Meeting organizer: Ok, so I'm assuming you're not attending.
Your stupid Boss: I'll send my staff, ***** to represent me.
Meeting organizer: Ok, noted. Will forward the invitation to him.
Your stupid Boss: But, can you send me the presentation materials, later? You know lah.. my staff won't share with me. He likes to work on his own...

Crap! What a boss without balls he is?
Next time you see him, put a satanic smile on your face and just tell him, "Law #3 and Law #4!"

----------

Law #3: Conceal your intentions
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.

Law #4: Always say less than necessary
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

Bullshitting?!

If you are a boss...
You'll know that you're a piece of shit if you can't talk to bosses of other departments to get some information on work and you need to send your staff to get those information. Or none of other bosses response to your email. Some may mark your mail as spam. Or when others keep on declining your meeting invitation or doesn't response at all.

And, you'll know FOR SURE that you're a piece of shit when you start saying, "Bullshit laaa... everyone is bullshit!" Yes, everyone is bullshit to you but, the company is still in operation. So, who's the bullshit here?

Hiring mistake!

You've been struggling to come to terms with your boss. Every conversation will eventually turn to a high-pitch argument. Even a friendly gesture like, "How are you" may end up with "Mind your own business!" And at the end of every conversation, or argument, both you and your boss leave the room with the expression "I want to kill you!" written on both faces.

And you've been wondering. Whether, it is your boss is the one who is really suck? Or is it you are the one who is incompetent to handle pressures?

But, you'll have the answer of what you've been wondering all this while. When you hear your boss' boss admits that hiring your boss was a mistake. And your boss' boss describes your boss, among all (the stupids, all the f words, idiots), your boss is NOT TACTFUL. Yes, your boss is NOT TACTFUL! But, that's still the most polite way of describing your boss.

So, stop wondering. You're GOOD! It is your boss who SUCKS!

tactful = lacking or showing a lack of what is fitting and considerate in dealing with others

Mentally sick!

During festive seasons, many of us are organizing open houses by inviting friends, colleagues and relatives for a feast, whether it is in a small or large scale. Being courteous, you still send the invitation to the dumb-ass, marrow sucking boss to your open house.

And you know your boss is mentally sick or at least having a brain capability of worse than of an 8-year old kid and you feel like dumping your boss head into the toilet bowl full of shit when he says that people organize open houses to SHOW OFF! And if your boss still turn up during your open house, just say to him FUCK OFF!

(note: this is a real story between my current Senior Vice President and my colleague, a Vice President who has already resigned from the company)

Really smart or real ass?

Consider these two situations:

1. When there is a situation where you need to come up with an idea/suggestion/recommendation collectively as a team/department, your boss says, "So, you think lah what we can do about it. I have some ideas, but I let you think first, then we exchange ideas."

2. During the supposed exchanging ideas session, you tell your boss your ideas/suggestions. And your boss says, "Aahh... I was thinking the same way..."

Crap!

So if these happen to you, do you think your boss is really smart or a real ass?

Mine is real ass.

When the boss is not balanced!

Can you feel the gap? It is growing bigger between the top management, middle management and the workforce! Everything ideas seems to be like a waterfall, falling from the top! So boss is always the smart one! There was never a chance for the top to listen to the workforce, the people on the ground, the people who is actually touching the jobs with their bare hands, the people who knows better than just plan blueprint! Yes boss! No boss! That is all they can say, how can they suggest? No platform lah. Everything has been taken away. You work, work and work. Projects after projects , initiatives after initiatives! This is maddness!

The fading bootlicker

If you're a boss and love to be licked all around, you have to also understand well enough the signs of your bootlickings leaving you.

Clue:
If a bootlicker nods to all your questions/opinions/ideas, it doesn't mean he/she agrees with you but he/she is just fed-up with you that soon he/she will be leaving you.

Example scenario:
Boss: You'll be in KL tomorrow, right?
Bootlicker: (nod)
Boss: So when is your flight to KL?
Bootlicker: (silent)
Boss: Is it on Thursday night?
Bootlicker: Yes.
Boss: And when will your return to JB?
Bootlicker: (silent)
Boss: Monday morning is it?
Bootlicker: (nod)
Boss: Or is it on Tuesday morning?
Bootlicker: (nod)
Boss: (confused) So, when is it?
Bootlicker: hmmm... Tuesday morning.

Mastering the chatting lingo

You know your boss is chatting during office hour. You know your boss is chatting with someone, a scandal rather, in the office. You know when your boss is giving excuses to delay department or weekly face-to-face meeting for five minutes, not because he/she is sending out email or finishing up paperwork but, he/she is saying goodbye in the chatroom.

As soon as you know it, work hard to get your boss' nickname. Say, you found out that his nickname is Charlie or Max Cheng.

The next time when you appear in front of him for a meeting and he says, "Can you give me five more minutes?", you should say, "Ok Charlie, b.r.b..."

Or the next time he try to tease you in the pantry or along the walkway and you feel like to puke, hold on and just say, "Colon, hyphen, close bracket..."

Or then next time you bumped into him flirting and try to cover up with the chatmate/scandal and you feel like jumping off the office building, just say, "Semi colon, hyphen, a capital D..."

Or the next time when he try to crack a stupid joke during your department meeting and you feel like masturbating, you should say, "Owh... r.o.t.f.l..."

A durian and a boss

Q: What is one similarity between your boss and a durian?
A: They make you HOT!

Acquiring additional bootlicking skills

In this world of competitive bootlicking, bootlickers are finding it hard to stand out among the rest of the bootlickers. One way to standout among the others is by way of learning and acquiring additional skill(s) which may not be related to your daily work but can be applied when it matters.

So, go search for external courses from newspapers or anywhere. Sign up, use your own money - you'll not regret.

But we seriously recommend you to take up courses on massaging. Who knows, one day when your boss started playing futsal after a long lay-off, he/she might hurt any part of his/her body, you're there to LEND YOUR HANDS! It's time to show your massage skills which could help you sail throughout the year in office.

You don't need to enroll in advanced course. A basic course will do and is enough to impress your boss who obviously know nuts about massaging and all the veins and nerves in his/her body. This has been proven!

A bootlicker no-no!

One of the biggest no-no for a bootlicker is...

To come down with diarrhea which eventually forced you to take a medical leave on your boss' birthday!

If it means that you need to use diapers and bring spare underwears and practically temporarily set-up your work station besides the toilet, please do so. Boss' birthday is more important than your mother-in-law's birthday (for the bootlickers, I mean...)

Celebrating boss' birthday

Bootlickers will remember their bosses' birthdays more than they remember their loved ones'. In fact, they wish everyday is boss' birthday.

So bootlickers, when boss' birthday is around the corner (say, two weeks from today) pay special attention on what he/she likes, what is nice to him/her or what others/you have that he/she feels it's nice to have it too.

Sentences like, "Hey, this ring is nice!" or "Where did you buy this pen? It's so smooth writing with it" or "My perfume does not smell nice like before" or "Do you think I should put cushions in my new car". Those are his/her hints, bootlickers! It's time to get your boss' birthday present, bootlickers!

Start calculating a budget and seek collection from everyone (maybe you need to force some people to chip in) and go buy what he/she was hinting.

Tips: A hardcore bootlicker should contribute the most or buy the present on his/her own.

How..eh..non..bootlickers?

Imagine you have a long, big, shining knife laid across your table in front of you everytime your boss came to visit you! I think the second time he sees the knife, that will be his last visit! The big knife is actually just for cutting apples and pears for lunch! Don't be scare boss!

Imagine you see your boss caught in the rain while crossing building. You are driving you car, passing him, passing the building that your boss is going to. Just wave your hand! Sorry boss, my doors not working! Don't get mad!

Imagine the lift is full of bosses and not enough for another one person more. You are 1 minutes away from a major meeting. Pull one of the bosses out and say "urgent! You wait for the next trip!" The other lifts are out of order!

Imagine..imagine .. you are non bootlicker.....

Non-bootlicker speaks his mind

If you're resigning from a bootlicking company. And you're not a bootlicker. Here's a small tip.

On your last day in office, when someone (especially if that someone is someone who likes to be licked) ask you "are you looking forward for the new job?".

Instead of speaking your mind like I did. Or, instead of saying "very much!", you should say "mixed feelings".

Be good, be a bootlicker for at least one day in your life.

Boss' heartthrob?

Wednesday, 12.15pm
Feel like wanna puke!

An old friend came for a visit in the office when this newly-added bootlicker walked into the office and introduced herself to the old friend.

"Hi! I'm N, a new addition to this office. Previously I was in [her old department]."
Old friend replied, "So, you're Mr. R's staff, then?"
In a bootlicking gesture, the new bootlicker replied, "Actually, I was Mr. R's heartthrob!"


WHAT DA F*CK?!

Bootlickers Theme Song

Bootlicker and wired

To be a good and effective bootlicker, you need to be wired, fully wired, too. Best if you keep spare of handphone chargers of all models, Nokia, Motorola, O2, Samsung, SonyEricsson, BlackBerry in your drawer.

Who knows one day your boss would walk into your office and ask, "anyone here with Sagem handphone charger?" While others would think who on earth is still using Sagem phone, you'll be proud to shout out loud, "I do have it!"

If you don't have it, please be standby to buy the required charger from a shop nearby by saying, "I'll look for it, just for you, BOSS!"

What de belepuuuk!

Everything came to a shocking ending..Most of the office machines are facing critical serviceability, 3 laptons, 1 blackberry and this afternoon an executive chair! What is happening?

Make Sure Boss Smoking Area is Safe..

Safety at workplace will cover all type of incidences. Safety come first. Well, it is the same anyway if you think about it. Just that one is slow the other is immediate. So bootlickers advice, don't stand at "ledge" and quit smoking. Bootlickers support live longer policy!

Identifying bootlickers

Situation:
The Group CEO just announced the quantum of the bonus payout this year for last year performance. For the MRs - meet requirement (level three), it'll be 2.5 months. For the Excellent performers (level four) it'll be something like 3.75 months. And for the Outstanding performers (level five) it's going to be 5 months. No announcement for level one and two, no bonus I believe (they don't licked enough last year).

Under normal circumstances:
When the individual rating for last year performance is still not made known to the staff, they usually will start calculating the MR-level of bonus, which is 2.5 months. That's normal. And it sounds logic, safe and achievable, under normal circumstances.

However:
You'll find certain people who will start talking about getting level four or even level five, confidently. Level three bonus payout is never in their dictionary.

And most of the time:
These are the BOOTLICKERS!


BOOOOOOO!!!!!

Bootlicker's performance rating

It's appraisal time. An all-year round above-par performance wouldn't assure an above-average rating and year-end incentive/bonus and salary increment. More so, if bell curve is applied in the appraisal system, when more often than not you'll see the same person will occupy the right tail of the bell curve.

In cases when you have two persons, one a bootlicker and the other is not, having almost similar performance rating but with only one slot for above-average incentives, the bootlicker will prevail.

And one of the elements that qualify a bootlicker for an above-par performance for last year, was the willingness an ability to scratch boss' back, top or bottom (glove is not allowed)... :-)

"Helo Bos" by Dee (Utusan Malaysia, 25 Feb 2008)

When bootlicker quits

Quitting a current job is the last thing a bootlicker would do. Quitting will only be sensible when the current boss quits and the incoming boss is unlickable. However, sometimes bootlickers may find licking tastier elsewhere.

When the opportunity comes, bootlickers may find out how to call it the day to the boss. Most of the times, bootlickers will find it very difficult to do so. Even the boss will find it difficult to swallow the fact that his/her best licker is leaving. And to find a replacement licker isn't easy, either.

Bootlickers should try to smoothen the process by telling the boss that the resignation has nothing to do with the boss, it's just another opportunity you can't let go. And most importantly, bootlickers should say,

"Boss, if I have chance, I love to work with you (read: lick you) again in the future, in this company or elsewhere."

Choi!!!

What Happenes When The Boss Is Not Around?

Have you licked enough?

Your colleagues may have the impression that you've done enough licking. But the final judgment is with your BOSS, whether you've licked him/her enough or you need to double up your licking activities and efforts.

You know when you haven't licked enough when this situation occurs...

BOSS: So, what's the target for 2008?
Bootlicker: I think the target is 655,000 subscribers.

BOSS: Are you sure?! That's almost double last year's achievement!! Have you challenged the target with the Sales team? Have they justified to you the basis of the target? Or is it just a P.O.O.M.A. number?!

For a bootlicker, when the word P.O.O.M.A. comes out from the BOSS' ass mouth, that's a sign you've not licked your BOSS enough.

So, when you hear P.O.O.M.A., continue licking and do it more!


==
P.O.O.M.A. = Pluck Out Of My Ass

Monkey Talk..

Reminder

A signage I found at General Hospital Tuanku Afzan Kuantan to remind doctors and nurses, which is applicable to PMO AGMs as well...

CEGAH KECEDERAAN `EMOSI'!!!

Amalkan carakerja selamat dengan mengelakkan diri dari kena `sabo' dan`kon tum tam'...

Nothing is impossibootlicking

Peribahasa melayu:
Berat sama dipikul. Ringan sama dijinjing.

"Helo Bos" oleh Dee (Utusan Malaysia, 7 Feb 2008)

Peribahasa pengampu (bootlicker):
Berat barang-barang boss sanggup ku pikul.
Inikan pula ringan kasut boss, sanggup ku jinjing.

In the life of a bootlicker, nothing is impossible.... for the BOSS!

It is a Balancing Act for 2-in-1!

Yes, boss. Ok, boss. No problem, boss. Very good indeed, boss. Sure, boss. Done, boss. All these phrases and many more sounds positive. But it must be said with a specific enthusiasm, with the right body language to get your message through. What message? You either want it to be sounded as if it comes from a real bootlicker or someone who is just playing safe to get everything done with whatever means and don't want to waste time so much sitting down talking and polishing which is called -the balancing act! Jobs get done alright! Normally these people will stand close to the exit and eager to walk out the door anytime. The door, not the window! So bear with the mood, sometime, you can have the choice because what you really need to do is to balance your acts because you have been gifted to be 2-in-1!

Rebranding - "Carry Balls"

Many many years ago I used to hear the words "carry balls" which have similar meanings to the topic that we are discussing now. It had a more vulgar sound and without doubt you would have known how ugly the words are if you can picture someone actually is holding some other one's balls! Maybe the use of the words is still at large but confined to specific culture or age and once you are caught carrying someone's ball then, you will be befriended and will talk and laugh in isolation!

Pity? It was a small world then, the words were locally invented and new comers immediately can sensed what the words meant. However, now we are in this borderless world, rebranding the words is neccessary. Yes, the words have changed but the acts lives on! Long live the bootlickers!

Licking the love wound

Situation:

You had fallen in love with a guy who works in the same workplace/building. Almost everyone who knows you and the guy, knows about the love story. Obviously, your colleagues and his colleagues know about the love story, too.

Then, you and the guy broke up. You sent out an email to almost everyone in your contact lists inferring something bad about the guy. Emails got forwarded to almost everyone. Almost everyone who knows you and the guy, knows about the break up story. Obviously, your colleagues and his colleagues know about the break up story, too.

Later, someone close to you replied your email and copied everyone in the 'To:' list asking you, "Do you need to tell the whole world about it? (read: you're silly, grow up!)"

One day, you bumped into your ex's colleague in the elevator. Embarassed with your foolish 'email act', what would you do (to cover up)?


Solution:

Pretend nothing happened.
Pretend you're as joyous as ever.
Greet your ex's colleague cheerfully and loudly.
And say, "Hi your ex's colleague's name!!! Haven't seen you around for a while. We've got so many things to catch up." Eventhough there's nothing to catch up.

Trust me, it saves your balls boobs!

You are the bootlicker!

How many kilos boss you want? 1 Kilo or 2 Kilos? What time you go back boss? I will have it packed for you and check in for you at the airport. Money?...Never mind boss, small matter. Next time lah boss!

There can be two views about the above conversation.

He is in need of a favour in return for his "kindness". What is a kilo or two if you can something for life! And the other services too is nothing compare to the favour in return. And being bosses you can understand what his/her body languages is trying to signal. Surely you can distinguished between genuine and morkery.

However, the other view, a person can be really appreciating for the services that you have delivered and very grateful indeed that he will say thank you in many ways including giving. Even if the giving is over and above the normal!

So be in a position to choose who you prefer to be from both senarios above.

But to the eyes of the many, you are still, the bootlicker!

Bootlicking 101

If you're a woman.
And your boss is a man.
Pay attention to this quote...

* Quote taken from the book, "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice" by Margaret Kent

My personal view: Male boss expects his female subordinates to treat him the way his wife is treating him. Offer him a cup of coffee, praise him for the clothes he wears, ask him what is he having for lunch and say "bye, take care" to him before you leave the office :-)